Keeping Up With Hook
by CaptainHookLover
Summary: Captain Hook is stuck in Manhattan, shipless and alone. How will he ever get back to Storybrooke?
1. Chapter 1: Welcome to New York

He opened his eyes slowly, in pain, wincing as he tried to get up. Bloody Swan girl had knocked him out yet again. He tried to get up but something was preventing him from doing so. He looked over to his left arm and saw that he was handcuffed to some strange metal thing on the wall. Bloody hell, did she want him to die? How the hell was he supposed to get out of this tiny room if he was handcuffed to the wall? He had his hook at least, but it was the hand that was handcuffed, so he really couldn't do anything. He then heard the door handle start to move, someone was coming. He braced himself, unsure of what to expect. He then saw a big, heavy bald man dressed in some strange blue suit at the doorway. He looked down at him, a noncommittal look in his face. Hook stared back at him, unsure of what the man was going to do.

"Rough night?" he said finally after a few moments of silence.

"You could say that" said Hook, a little surprised at the man's reaction.

The man chuckled to himself and said "Yeah I've been there before buddy. I once met this crazy chick that I hooked up with and she ended up leaving me hand-cuffed in the bathroom. Ha. Well let's see of getting you out."

The man left and returned a minute later with some pliers and was able to cut the handcuffs. Hook immediately got up, a big smile on his face. "Thank you kind sir" he said to the man.

The man stood there watching him, looking at his hook, at his clothes.

"Wait a minute" he said. "I know who you are. You're one of those pirates from that pirate movie right? Oh what's it called…. Oh Pirates of the Caribbean right? You do know it's not Halloween right, unless you were roleplaying for your lady friend."

Hook just stood there staring at the man. "I have no idea what you're talking about. What the hell is a Halloweeny?"

"Halloween. It's a holiday, where people dress up in costumes" he said.

"Well this is no costume. I really am a pirate" he said.

"Sure you are" said the man, rolling his eyes in amusement. Hook was not amused however, but he figured he had no time to argue with this man, he had to get back to his ship. He turned on his heels and walked out the door.

He got out onto the street, looking around, trying to remember the way back to the docks. Strange place this Manhattan was he thought. There was so much noise, so many strange looking buildings, so many people walking around in such hurry. After quite some time walking around he finally got back to the docks. He walked over to the spot where he had left his ship. He took a step to where the gangplank should be, but instead there was only air, and he ended up plummeting down into the cold waters of the ocean. He quickly raised himself to the surface, shivering. He slammed a fist down into the surface of the water, splashing water onto his face. They took his bloody ship as well! He was furious. No one, no one sailed the Jolly Roger but him. The Crocodile must have taken it, hoping to get back to Storybrooke in time to save himself. But Hook took some comfort in knowing that not even magic could save him from the poison. But they still had his ship, and now he had no way of getting back.

He grabbed the edge of the dock and raised himself up, using his arms to push himself up. It took a great amount of force and pain, but he was able to pull himself up, now sitting on the edge, soaking wet. He had to come up with a plan and fast. But he didn't know what… He had no money, he was stuck in a strange place he didn't know, and he was dressed as a pirate. He was surprised no one had said anything yet, besides that man in the small room who said he had a costume on. Costume… hmm perhaps people would just think he had a costume on. Sure that worked, but he would still be drawing a lot of attention.

He heard his stomach grumbling, he was hungry. He should probably get some food that will help him think. He got up and walked back to the streets. He then heard a man screaming something about a hot dog? No it couldn't be… people actually ate dogs in this land? He walked over to the man who had a little metal cart with him, and strange rotation object hidden behind a glass box. The man asked "what can I get for you sir?"

"You're selling dogs?" Hook asked curiously and a bit disgusted.

"Yep best Hot Dogs in New York" he said proudly.

"Why would you eat a dog? That's disgusting" said Hook.

"You're joking right?" asked the man. When Hook didn't respond the man said. "It's not an actual dog dude, we just call it a hot dog."

"Oh" said Hook a bit relieved. "Then what is it made of?"

"It's made of… stuff. Now are you going to order something or what?" asked the man a bit irritated.

"No thanks" he said, walking away. He walked for a couple of blocks until he found a some tables and chairs outside this restaurant. The sign said "Pizza Hut" and Hook quickly struck a confused glance. What the hell was a pizza, he thought. And what was it doing in a hut? He looked down at the table and saw a piece of some kind of food in the shape of the triangle. It seemed to have some cheese on the top. No one was at the table so he decided to pick up the triangle and walk away. This would have to do he thought. He raised the triangle shaped food to his mouth and took a bite. Immediately his eyes widened in pleasure as he heard a woman complaining about her pizza being gone. So that's what it was called, pizza. He liked it. It was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted. He finished the slice of pizza rather quickly, and when he was done he crumpled up the paper plate and threw it away. He was still hungry though. He really wanted some more pizza. He decided to lean against the side of one of the buildings to think.

Every time people passed by him they would stare, some muttering to themselves or whoever they were with. Hook eyed them curiously wondering what they would do. Suddenly a little boy walked up to him. Hook looked down at him with an unamusing glare.

"Wow are you really Captain Hook?" he asked smiling up at him.

"Ah so you've heard of me lass?" he said, bending down so he was eye to eye with the little boy.  
"Everyone knows who you are" he said. "What are you doing in New York? Shouldn't you be in Neverland getting you're revenge on Peter Pan?"

Hook gave him a confused look. "Pan? Why would I do that?"

"Because he cut off your hand and fed it to the crocodile" he said.

Hook squinted his eyes a bit and let out a small sigh. "Where did you hear that lass?"

"It's in my book. Here you can see it." He reached into his backpack and pulled out his Disney Peter Pan book. He opened up the book and flipped through the pages, showing Hook. "See?"

Hook took a close look at the page in front of him. He saw a pirate in a ridiculous amount of red clothing, with a stupid red hat with a purple feather. He had a twirly mustache and long black hair. Hook then saw the hook on his hand and realized that it was supposed to be him. "What the hell?!" he asked, snatching the book from the kid angrily. "I do not look like that. Look at me I am hideous! Who the hell drew this crap? They didn't even put my hook in the right arm. Who did this, I demand to know!"

"I don't know" said the boy as he shrugged his shoulders. "It's a book from Disney so."

"Disney. Where can I find this Disney? I will cut his throat with my hook for drawing me in such a horrid way!" he said angrily.

The kid just looked at him. Finally Hook calmed down and gave him the book back. "That book is all wrong, why do you read that?"

"It's not wrong, this is your story" said the kid.

"No it's not. Pan didn't cut my hand off, the crocodile did."

"The crocodile? You mean tick tock? How did he do that? They can't use a sword" asked the kid confused.

"Tick Tock? No nonon you got it all wrong. It wasn't a literal crocodile, it was that imp Rumplestilskin."

"Rumple-what-ha?" asked the kid, slightly moving his head to the side.

Hook rolled his eyes, annoyed. Boy, he didn't know who the hell this Disney was, but if he was going to write a story about him he shouldn't have at least gotten it right. He decided to tell the kid the story about how he met Rumplestilskin, fell in love with his wife, took her away, and then saw him again years later. How he came and ripped her heart out right in front of him, taking away his very being, everything he loved. He was quite animated as he told his story, and once he was done, he noticed that a bunch of people had gathered around him. Once he was done they all clapped. Some of them even gave him a green piece of paper before they left. He eyed it curiously.

"What's this supposed to be?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Its money" said the kid. "You know so you can buy stuff."

"Ah…. Like pizza?" asked Hook.

"Yeah. Do you want me to show you?" asked the kid.

"I would love that lass" he said. The little kid held out his hand, and Hook hesitated for a moment, but he took it with his hooked hand, as his other hand was holding the money.

"So what do people just go around giving away money?" he asked.

"Nope. I think that they thought you were a performer, so they decided to give you some money."

Hook smiled, he was starting to like Manhattan. They ended up at another pizza hut. They entered the restaurant and the little boy helped Hook order some pizza. He ended up ordering 3 slices, two for himself, and one for the kid. They sat at the table, eating.

"What's your name kid?" asked Hook, taking a big bite of his slice.

"Harry" said the little kid.

"Nice to meet you Harry. We haven't been properly introduced. Killian Jones. But you already know me as Hook."

"Killian Jones?" said Harry, confused. "No your name is James Hook."

"James…. Hook?" repeated Hook. "What kind of stupid name is that? Gosh that Disney character sure loves to just make shit up."

Harry just shrugged, dropping the subject. Suddenly the door burst open. Two police officers and a young woman with brown hair walked him. "Harry" she called out!

Harry turned around and smiled. "Mom!"

"Omg Harry" she said, embracing her son in a tight hug. Hook looked on. The brunette was cute he thought. "Where have you been? I was worried sick! Did that man take you?!" She asked, eyeing Hook.

"What? I didn't bloody kidnap anyone" he said, rising from the table angrily.

The two police officers quickly walked over to him. One of them grabbed a hold of his arms and slammed him onto the table, while the other one got his cuffs out.

"No mom that's Captain Hook. He didn't kidnap me I was helping him out!" said Harry.

"Harry that is just some crazy guy dressed up" said the mom. "Come on we have to go."

"No but I have to help Captain Hook!" said Harry. He tried to go towards Hook, but his mom picked him up and took him away.

"So you like kidnapping little children do you Hook?" asked one of the police men, tauntingly.

"What no, that is preposterous" he said, trying to get away from the two men.

"Sure it is". One of the officers looked down at his hook. "Hey Fred look at the hook. Seems legit huh?"

"Yeah where'd you get it Party City?" said Fred, as the two men laughed.

Hook rolled his eyes. He had had enough of this shit. He noticed that the two officers were just standing there, laughing together. They hadn't handcuffed him yet, so he quickly bolted of the restaurant and ran as fast as he could. He wanted to take one of those mechanical carriages but they didn't have any horse to pull it, and after getting hit by one he decided it was better not to. Instead he slashed one of the tires with his hook, thinking that would keep them from using the mechanical carriage. He had the two cops behind him, screaming at him, but after a few blocks he was able to lose them.

Once they were gone, he decided it was best for him to get the hell out of here. He decided to head into the street and stands right in front of an oncoming carriage. The carriage stopped abruptly and the man inside sticked his head out the window and started shouting at him.

"Hey buddy if you want me to stop, then just whistle or something, don't jump in front of the street you idiot!"

Hook quickly walked over to the side of the carriage. It was yellow with a black checkered patent on the side. "Can you get me to Storybrooke?" he asked.

"Storybrooke?" he asked. "Where the hell is that?"

Hook thought back to when he was in Storybrooke, getting ready to leave for Manhattan. He remembered that the map said Maine. He took out the map from his pocket and showed it to the man.

"Maine?" he said. "You want me to go all the way to Maine?"

Hook impatiently showed him his hook, crossing it over his face. "You will take me to this town or I will kill you" he said angrily through gritted teeth.

"Ok man, sure whatever you want" he said, nervously. "Get in."

Hook got in, and the car went off, off to Storybrooke.

Hope you like it I have a feeling we probably won't see Hook in Manhattan so I thought it would be fun to come up with what might happen as he is trying to get back. Please feel free to leave a review!

This story was inspired by a conversation in the podcast "OncePodcast" check it out, it's a great podcast for OUAT!


	2. Chapter 2: The Disney Store

**A/N: I wasn't going to write anymore for this but some of my tumblr friends gave me some ideas and since we are still on a hiatus and Hook isn't back yet I figured I would turn this into a mini series. So I hope you enjoy it, please review, tell your friends and I hope you like it!**

**The lyrics at the end are from Taylor Swift's song "I Knew You Were Trouble"**

After about an hour of driving, bloody cars in the way he didn't understand why there were so many mechanical machines on the street and then people crossing the street all the time forcing them to stop, he though they would never make it out, the cab ended up stopping in front of a book store called "Storybook". Hook got out of the cab and looked at the store. What the hell? This is not what he had asked for. He turned around to give the cab driver a piece of his mind and hook but once he turned around he saw that the cab was already about 20 feet away from him, no point in chasing after him. Great, he thought, now what am I supposed to do?

He started to walk past the store, passing several blocks not really knowing where he was. He decided to to just continue walking, until he came up at a sign that said "Irish Pub". His eyebrows shot up as he turned over to his right to see the entrance to the pub. His mouth formed into a smile and he went in, deciding he needed a drink.

It was about 4:00 in the afternoon, there weren't that many people at the pub. It was very dark and quiet. He took a seat at one of the stools and ordered a beer. The bar tender handed him a tall, green glass bottle and on the label it said "Heineken". Hook looked at it curiously and then just shrugged and took a gulp of the beer. Not exactly the same taste as back home but it was still good.

He looked over to his left because he heard the sound of people cheering. He looked up and saw a long black box hanging from the wall. Inside the box there seemed to be little people in this wide space of land. They all seemed to be sitting down, all crouched together. Hook immediately called over the bartender and said "Oi why are those people stuck inside that magic box? Shouldn't someone help them?"

The bartender gave him a serious and stern look, but after seeing that Hook wasn't kidding, he just shrugged his shoulders and went back to cleaning some of the mugs. "It's called a TV pal" he said, not looking at him.

"TV?" he asked. "What does it do?"

"It shows moving pictures… you know movies, TV Shows, the news, sports?"

"Sports…" he repeated. He looked back at the TV and saw that there was no a bunch of people in white and grey uniforms scattered across the field. Some of them where just standing there with gloves, one of them was squatting behind another guy, they were all wearing hats and sunglasses and one of them seemed to throw a small white ball over to the guy holding some sort of stick. The guy with the stick hit the ball right at one of the other players and people started to cheer. "What sport is this?" he asked curiously.

"Baseball" said the bartender. "It's the Yankees vs the Mets."

"And what is the object of this baseball" he asked.

"Well basically you want to get more runs than the other team. You hit the ball, get people on base, get them across the home plate and you get a run."

"So you just hit a ball with a stick?" he asked.

"Well its more complex than that but yeah basically" he said, going back to cleaning some more mugs.

Hook thought it seemed kind of stupid, but he was intrigued by the game.

He kept ordering some beers and after about two hours he was pretty drunk, but he was really enjoying the game. The Yankees were winning 5-3 and he was really getting into it.

"Aww come on you little bastard why didn't you catch the ball?" he said.

"AH yes bloody good catch boy! HAZA!"

"Oh here we go again number 13 this bastard can't hit the ball, what are you doing?"

"No no no no no why did you let him get a hit? What are you doing?  
"Oh oh alright number 5 I see how it is, make a bloody good play why don't you"

"Yes they won hahahah cheers mate, cheers!"

Once he was done with the game and the beer, he left a 50 on the counter and headed off, stumbling a bit as he went.

He decided to walk for a few more blocks, see what else he could find. After about 10 blocks he found this store with big glass doors and on the outside was a gigantic mouse with red shorts and yellow shoes. Hook stopped in front of the mouse and smiled "Ah a mouse! So there are magical creatures in this land as well?" He put out his hook so that the mouse would shake it, but seeing the mouse didn't move, he just shrugged and said "that's all right mate. I understand if you're scared. You know I had a mouse once in my ship. Actually it was more of a rat. It was this little brown rat, quite chubby too. It was annoying because every night it would come out and squeak and squeak and squeak and it was so bloody annoying and one day…. One day… you know what I did? Do you want to know? I took my hook, and I waited, I waited for that rat to come out. And once it showed himself I took my Hook and I stabbed it. Aye I did. And then I threw out into the ocean, never had any problems after that. Aye true story mate."

He looked at the mouse, waiting for a response. "Not much of a talker are you?" "Very well" he shrugged his shoulders and headed into the store.

The store was huge inside. His jaw dropped in shock. There were so many toys everywhere, and he meant everywhere. Stuffed animals of all these little animals, shirts, mugs, clocks, so many different things.

There were a bunch of children running around, annoying their parents, asking for this, asking for that. Hook raised his eyebrow looking curiously around. What was this place. He looked up at the sign and it read "Disney Store."

"Disney…." He contemplated. "Ah yes! Disney that blubbering idiot that made me into that ugly red pirate." He looked around trying to see if he could find the Disney fellow. There didn't seem to be anyone who could help him here, and he saw some stairs to go up to the next floor, so he headed towards the stairs.

But once he got there, he noticed they weren't your ordinary stairs. They moved, yes moved by themselves. People seemed to just hop on one of the steps and it took them right up. He was a bit scared at first, not really knowing what to do. What if he fell off? He could die!

He took a step towards the entrance and stood on the metal plate that was there, separating him from the mechanical stairs. He started to hesitantly put one foot on the stair panel, but then he saw that it was moving up and he took his foot back. People started to gather behind him, getting impatient.

"Come on already" they shouted.

"Well it's now or never" he said. He put one foot on the stair again and watched it go up, but his other foot was still on the panel. He started to fall back and he tried to grab something, but he just ended up falling on his back, hurting his behind.

He laughed, placing his hand on the floor and rubbing it "Ah floor" he said. "You're always so good to me" he said, now turning around and lying on his stomach, placing his head on the floor, closing his eyes, caressing the floor. "You're the only thing I need. Yes Hook and the Floor…. Floor and the hook… Flook… yes flook" he smiled.

"Hey buddy get up already!" someone else said. He got up and got out of the way, he wasn't trying out those mechanical stairs again. He looked to the right and saw that there was some ordinary stairs on the other side. "AH" he said, walking towards them. He walked up the stairs and saw even more kids and more toys upstairs. He rolled his eyes, would it never end.

He walked over to the Princess section as he saw a doll that said Snow White. "Snow White…." He said pointing at the doll. "AHahahah she has her own doll and everything cute." He then looked over to the doll next to Snow and saw it said "The Evil Queen". He started to laugh hysterically, as the doll was Evil Queen dressed as the old hag. "Regina" he laughed. "Oh if Regina saw this she would burn the bloody place down. HAhahahah"

After looking at the dolls he saw a familiar pirate dressed in a red coat and hat with feathers to his right. He walked over to the display looking at all the little pirate toys.

He saw a little boy pirate, with a red bandana and a wooden sword. The display said that his name was Jake. Jake and the Neverland Pirates, and he saw two more little kiddie pirates, a boy and a girl, named Izzy and Cuby. They also had a parrot named Scully. He found the little Pirates amusing. He then saw the stuffed animal that was supposed to be Mr. Smee and he chuckled, seeing how old he was supposed to be and he was wearing ridiculous outfit with the striped blue shirt that was clearly too small for him, along with the blue shorts and sandals. He then saw the stuffed animal that was supposed to be him. He eyed it wearily, and then picked it up, examining it a little more closely.

"Well I suppose you're not that ugly" he said to himself. "Though I would have preferred for the outfit to be black." He decided he was going to take the toy, seeing as it was actually kind of cute.

He then looked over and saw that there was a crocodile toy next to Hook. He started laughing hysterically, people walking past him staring at him. "Gods Rumplestilskin they made you into an actual crocodile. AHahhAha Disney finally got something right! Oh look at you with your cute little hands and your little claws, and your wittle teeth. Who's a good crocodile, who is? You are yes you are!" It then occurred to him. If he bought this little crocodile to go with his little Hook, he could enact a whole bunch of fun scenarios where he was killing the crocodile. Oh yes that would be fun indeed.

He walked over to the register and placed the two toys on the counter. The girl at the register, who was wearing some ridiculous, sparkly pink dress and tiara smiled at him and asked in a very high and perky voice "Are those for your kids sir?"

"Uh…yes, yes they are. I have a little lad 6 years old, he loves Captain Hook so" he said, smiling sheepishly. He might have been drunk but he knew a grown man buying toys was quite embarrassing.

The girl scanned the items and as she did Hook asked "Are you a Princess?"

The girl laughed, blushing a bit. "Sadly no" she said.

"Ah that's too bad, because you are as beautiful as a Princess" he said, winking at her. The girl just blushed some more and said "That'll be 15.50 please". Hook handed her a twenty and then said "you know I actually know a Princess. Snow White do you know her?"

The girl looked at him a bit worried. "Umm no I don't."

"That's too bad" he said. "She's a lovely lass, very beautiful."

The girl just nodded and handed him the change. "Have a nice day sir."

"Yes yes thank you" he said, heading off down the stores. He was about to leave when he heard a little boy say "Oh no Captain Hook stole our treasure!"

He turned around and saw the animated version of himself on the TV thing the guy at the pub was talking about. A bunch of kids were sitting on the floor watching, and he decided to sit next to them. "OH so this must be one of those movies or TV Shows yes?" he asked a little girl sitting next to him.

"Yep its TV Show called 'Jake and The Neverland Pirates'" she said smiling.

"What?!" he said looking at the screen. "That little boy has a TV Show? It should be called Captain Hook the Magnificent."

The little girl just giggled and said "you're funny."

Hook smiled turning his attention back to the TV. The way they portrayed him was ridiculous. He was always stealing stuff from those little pirates, or following them around, but then at the end of the day he would always lose and that blasted crocodile Rumple would come after him.

Once the show was done, the screen went blank. "Well that was no fun" he said.

"Wait, don't leave, they're going to play the Little Mermaid next" she told Hook, taking his hand as he was getting up to leave. "It's my favorite."

"Mermaid eh?" he asked. "All right."

The movie started playing and he said "you know I knew a mermaid once. Her name was Ariel. She was a lovely lass. But sadly I had to leave her in Neverland."

"You know Ariel?" she asked, her eyes gleaming. "Aye" he said.

"Wow what was she like?" she asked attentively.

"Well she was very pretty, very sweet and kind, and she had an amazing voice. She would sing to me at night sometimes, help me get to sleep."

The little girl was about to say something else when she heard her mom say "Melody come on we have to go."

Melody sighed and got up, waving goodbye to Hook.

"Cute lass" he said to himself.

He then saw the rest of the movie, being quite intrigued by it. But he couldn't help but say something every now and then.

"Wait who is this Prince Eric bloke? I don't know any Eric. And why isn't she in Neverland? This is preposterous."

"Bloody hell Eric can't you say she wants you to kiss her! Even the damn crab is telling you! You idiot. If that was me I would take her then and there, she is clearly dying for it."

"Ah Vanessa she's pretty."

"Oh no its that bitch Ursula she is going to ruin their happy ending."

At the end he sat there, tears falling down his face "Oh its so beautiful. She finally got her happy ending…. But that Eric is still an idiot."

He then suddenly got up, furious "Wait a minute. Why wasn't I in the movie? I should be the one marrying Ariel, not that idiot Eric. Bloody hell! This Disney doesn't know crap!"

He then felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw a short, bald man talking to him. "Sir we're going to have to ask you to leave, before I call the police."

"What why?" he asked.

"For disturbing the peace."

Hook was furious. "Disturbing the peace you say. I'll show you how to disturb you're bloody peace!"  
The short man then blew a whistle and yelled "Guards!"

The guards came quickly. They were two very big, bulky men. They grabbed Hook by the shoulders and dragged him to the doors, tossing him out of the store. He landed flat on his face on the concrete floor and as he laid on the ground, with his little bag from the Disney Store a girl walked by and music came out of her. It was a song and it said "Now I'm Lying on the Cold hard ground… oh … oh oh Trouble trouble trouble."

Hook hummed along to the beat signing the song, very off key "Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground… oh….. oh oh trouble trouble trouble." Good song, he thought to himself. He got up and started walking off, continuing to sing the verse of the new song he just heard.


End file.
